Something Scary This Way Comes

So, here's the thing I'm grappling with. I am not liking people who are "bucking the system" and then expect everyone to bend to their ways. I see it in politics, I see it in the cinema/hollywood world, I see it in the everyday home-life world. It makes me nervous. I remember, growing up in a pretty consistent society, (not because of my own parents, but the everyday world), and there was always room for different. Now, it seems unless you're willing to wear a "Liberal" tatoo somewhere on your body, you are a religious, right wing, conservative, zealot.
I grew up liberal, I am a conservative. I have seen first hand what liberalism is. It is a life without tradition, it is a life with anger towards politics, it is a life of entitlement. How dare rich people have money, how dare they.
I was brought up to hate "Normal". I wanted "Normal" more than anything. I had wierd parents. I had a bohemian, wierd home life. I had "vocal" parents, when it came to issues. (I'll never forget being 13, and having my Mother preach to me and my girlfriends about AIDS)
It's wrong. It's the very judgement that "Liberals" preach not to do, and they ARE DOING IT!!!
It angers me. It makes me weary. It worries me. It's just like people who claim they're not prejudice, but then seem to pracitce it in reverse. I think if you must vocalize your opinion, there are polite ways of doing so. You don't have to alienate, hurt or yell to get your point across, otherwise, aren't you stooping to the very level you state you hate? Scary.

Joy

Today I will be joyful. I will not let my environment effect me, I will not let my depression effect me. I will be joyful, because I am alive. I will be joyful because I have a lovely family, a lovely life. I will be joyful because I can breathe, and walk, and use my arms. I will be joyful because I can pray. Today. Joy.

Love the Body

My body. Your body. The human body. We do come in all shapes and sizes. But is your body healthy? Is mine? I wonder. I am currently doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I have done it three times now, and I plan on continuing it. It kicks my bum. I am exhausted, but exhilerated after each workout. I want more. I want to be the best I can be for me. It is all based on very basic strength exercises. I want to "go deeper". (Maybe that should be the title for this post.) I want to begin to feel strong. Strength is often thought of as dominating, winning or top of the heap. Not for me. I want to feel that I have strength when I lift a bag of groceries, when I clean my house, when I throw myself into any situation. I think Lance Armstrong has a good motto:
"Live Strong". That should be every person's goal in life. "Live Strong"

BEACH DAY!!!

Beach days are like Christmas morning used to be for me when I was a kid. I LOOOOOOVE them. M is always so good to take me to my favorite beach, he lets me peruse the little shops, and I get to go to really yummy food joints to eat.

These days always refresh me, and make me feel all shiny and new, though be it a little tired at the end of the day.

My favorite moment of the day was when Olive and Indy went to the edge of the ocean and played tag with the waves, while M and I sat in little "sand chairs" and soaked in the sun. When Indy was done, he came running up asked if he could be taken to the bathroom. Now, let me just say, the bathroom was way, way far away. He probably wouldn't have made it. So, M told him he could pee in the ocean. Indy had a look on his face like he was being set up. "Really?" he asked. So, he turned ran down to the edge of the waves, pulled out his "junk" and let loose. I didn't get to see his face, but I could tell, he thought this was freedom.

To pee in the ocean may not have been the "politically correct" thing to do, but it was certainly the "human" thing to do. It felt so good to just let this little boy have freedom and pee. Freedom isn't always about liberty and justice. Sometimes it's just about peeing when you need to. What a fun moment. What a fun family. What a fun day. Not one second was wasted on worry, sadness, despair, disappointment or loss. YAY!!!

Breath

To take a breath one must conciously stop whatever one is doing and willfully inhale air in through their nostrils, into their lungs, pause, and exhale the air out of one's lungs, and usually out of one's mouth. It is a moment that is filled with intent. To take a moment to think, to pause, to relax and gain perspective. To take a breath is a good thing.

I sometimes forget to breathe. I forget how marvelous it is to be able to have this built in mechanism, that was created to de-stress, to feed oxygen to my brain, to make me think more clearly. This is the most simple, easy bodily function. When I breathe, I don't feel it's easy.
To "breathe easy" must be such a wonderful feeling. For me, breathing is about letting go of something that is bothering me. For me to take in a breath is a sweet moment. I love the feeling of letting air WHOOSH into my body, and then to feel the air leaving my body, taking with it the tension, frustration and negativity. To take a breath is to hope.

I hope, I can clear my head so I can think. I hope, the swirling thoughts can all just calm down for a moment. I hope my boy, Indy, will quiet down and behave as I've taught him. I hope, that I can be tender and kind to my husband, M, who needs me. I hope, I can be gentle and fun for my daughter, Olive, who needs a good Mom. I hope I can please my God by being humble, and helpful. I hope, I can be true to all of my friends out there, whom I have such admiration for. I hope, I can remember to take my next breath.

I want to breathe easy. I want to let go of all the clutter that is crowding out all of the sense in my head. I don't have any more time to waste. I need to get on my path, and walk it, with nice even breaths. This will be uncomfortable, but I am up for the task, for the first time. . .ever.